Beauty:

Jem and the Holograms dress, $54.99 at www.modcloth.com.
The beast:

Warm leatherette sandals, $114, www.modcloth.com
Here is an e-mail exchange between me and my friend Annie about these sandals:
Me: OH MY GAH! WHAT?
Annie: They make me want to poke my eyes out. If I ever saw someone wearing these, I think I would kick their butt.
Me: That comment so accurately represented how I feel about these shoes that it sent me into a manic laughter episode.
Annie: In fact, I’d like to take a hit out on whomever designed them. I wouldn’t extend that to whomever made them because it’s probably some 8-year-old in a sweat shop who doesn’t know any better than to barf on each pair for principle alone.
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