5/19/2005

For my 26th birthday, I went to the prom.

While the faces around me celebrated the end of their senior year, I celebrated the end of my first quarter-century.

This magical night started with me, two friends and my mom out for dinner in Loveland last weekend. A group of nervous, primped-up high-schoolers sat down next to us. We asked where prom was this year, and they said the Ranch near Windsor – coincidentally three minutes from one friend’s house.

We joked that we should crash the prom. Then we did. Well, all but my mom.

When I called my mom from the center of the dance floor (where the students were actually too self-conscious to dance), she kept repeating, “You are not at prom. Tell me you’re kidding.”

I wasn’t. I’d like to think I looked youthful and spry enough to fit in. But I did notice I was the only girl wearing a long black dress. Apparently the colors this spring in the Thompson School District are pink, red and white. I was bombarded with tiaras, shawls, layers and ruffles. I think I saw one girl’s entire breasts, her neckline plunged so low. On guys, I saw more bow ties and faux-haws (semi-mohawks) than my eyes could handle.

My favorite was a girl wearing clear heels that glowed red and blue when she walked, sort of like those sneakers for toddlers, except hers didn’t make goofy noises (I don’t think). She got them at Journeys Shoes in Fort Collins. There’s also a Journey’s at the Twin Peaks Mall in Longmont, in case you’re shopping for glow-in-the-dark pumps.

Then there are Strutz Shoes. These heels put another meaning on walking with a spring in your step. They feature a patented Heel Shock Absorber – basically a spring in the heel. Strutz claims this makes the shoes more comfortable by dampening the stress when you walk (www.strutzshoes.com).

At prom, I wasn’t that fancy. I wore checkered pumps that totally clashed with my dress. They earned me a few disgusted glares.

Maybe I need to find another scene where I can dress up. Say, the tennis court.

Tennis has always been one of my favorite sports because dangly earrings and necklaces are unofficially part of the outfit. And aside from ice rinks and cheerleading competitions – yes, it is a sport, so shut up – tennis courts are the only place where it’s acceptable to simultaneously wear a skirt, grunt and sweat profusely.

Holly Dennis and Susan Gallo get it.

These Boulder women met through the Boulder Tennis Association. Last August, they decided they were fed up with wearing boring black, white or red tennis skirts. Their rebellion birthed FortyLove tennis fashions (www.fortylovetennis.com).

Dennis and Gallo design and sell more than 20 styles of adorable-print tennis skirts, from flowers to polka dots to my favorite: lime green. And at $28, their locally made skirts are cheaper than many big-name styles. FortyLove also sells colorful shirts, bags and accessories.

As Gallo said, “We don’t want males to dictate what we look like on the tennis court, like on the basketball court, with the big polyester v-necks.”

Hear, hear. Not to mention those knee-length jams. Sorry, but I believe women are born with hips specifically so we can wear A-line skirts. Be proud of your estrogen.

FortyLove’s skirts are cute enough to wear on the beach, over a swimsuit or around town on a hot summer weekend. They’re not quite prom material. But that’s OK. I don’t think I’ll make it to the dance next year, anyway.

I’m saving myself for the big 3-0.

And, as always, here are a few of my yeahs and neighs:

++ Yeah: Chunky belts. Wear them over your pants and dresses.

++ I’ve banned capris from my closet. They look like high-water jeans on people under 5-foot-10. And the khaki kind always has a pocket-bunching issue. The fabric is so thin that you can see the pocket liner through it, and no pocket liner is every properly straight, leaving two rumpled bunches on the butt cheeks.

++ Ever heard of wet T-shirt contests? They exist because many T-shirts are white, and white becomes transparent when wet.

Apparently this fact is not widely known. I saw white bikinis on the racks at Target. The color may make your tan stand out, but that’s not all it enhances. Why not go all the way and just wrap your chest in Saran Wrap?