Because I refuse to force upon you yet another fashion column attempting to cleverly announce that “green is the new black” (where ever do newspapers find this kind of originality?), I’m going to do this Earth Day thing a little differently. It will start with an excerpt from a story I wrote when I was 9.

Swoosh goes the sound of the water around Leah’s ears as she spins, deeper and deeper, into the pipes under the school building. Let’s back up an hour. A bunch of kids were gathered after school for noodle making. (Adult interjection: No clue what “noodle making” means.)

A little while later is when Leah had to go to the bathroom. She went to the bathroom near the fourth-grade classroom, near the closet where Mrs. Quinn keeps the prizes for her Uncle Rodney’s Box contest. Leah was in the bathroom when, oh no, she accidentally dropped her ring in the toilet. It was the ring she had won in last week’s Uncle Rodney’s Box contest! (Adult interjection: Sorry about the exclamation mark, and several more to come.)

She had to get it. She

closed her big eyes and reached, down, down, down, and then –

Swoosh! The force pulled her hand under, and then her shoulder and head. Then her feet were sticking up in the

air until her whole body was going down the pipes!

Everything was wet and a blur until –

Thud! She landed in a pile of trash. Junk was everywhere in huge piles. Broken cars were upside down and the sky was black with pollution. There were no trees, grass, horses, birds or anything alive. Everything was smelly.

“Welcome to Earth 2,” she heard a small voice say. She looked down to find a worm at her feet.

“What is Earth 2?” Leah asked in fear.

“This is how the Earth will look in the future if no one takes care of it. Everyone killed each other and destroyed everything. There is nothing left except me. And now you,” said the worm.

“What…” Leah started to ask a question but the worm interrupted.

“No time for questions except one: What are you going to do about it?”

Ah, yes. Earth 2. When little Aimee wrote this story from the top of a tree in my parents’ backyard in Loveland, it was long before it was trendy to be green. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was more interested what might happen if I got sucked down the toilet than making a political statement about what might happen if our environment went down the tubes.

Still. It seems like the perfect story to remind us to pay our Earth Day dues. (As if we could forget; during the new “Earth Hour” a few weeks ago, I was out for a fancy dinner when the restaurant shut off all the lights. I think they cooked my steak by rubbing sticks together.)

Because it’s the right thing to do, and also because I tend to drop objects in my toilet once a week, here are my top five Earthy fashion tips to help keep the Earth 2 worms at bay:

1. Edressme.com– This is an online dress retailer that sells duds made from biodegradable, organic materials. From today through Earth Day, this site will offer 20 percent off brands, such as Trinity, Dresses by Kate and Synergy Organic.

2. Being an eco-diva goes beyond simply respecting Mama Earth; you also need to love your sisters. All month, in celebration of Earth Day, the lucy store at the Twenty Ninth Street Mall in Boulder invites women to trade their used exercise pants for $10 off regular-priced lucy bottoms. Lucy will donate the old pants to a local charity. For more info, check out www.lucy.com.

3. Share your hair — On Earth Day, the Crazy Horse 2 Salon will be holding a “Hair-Raising” hair-cutting event to collect donated hair to be made into free wigs for cancer patients.

Erika Carlson, 34, came up with the idea in memory of her sister, who fought breast cancer for three years. Then, shortly after Carlson began organizing the event, she was diagnosed with breast cancer herself. She had a full mastectomy on March 16, and recently begun chemotherapy.

The clipped ponytails (at least 8 inches long) will be donated to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths nonprofit. The Crazy Horse, which opened 20 years ago in downtown Louisville, will offer free haircuts to donors. For more info or to make an appointment, call 303-666-5802 or visit http://hairraising.livelymarketing.com.

4. If your ponytail is too short, your hair can still be your philanthropy. On April 26, Chicago Hair Salon, 4550 Broadway St. in Boulder, will be doing cuts for $40. All of the money that day will be donated to buy new clothes for children entering the social services system.

The idea came from one of the salon’s clients, who works for social services, and said many children arrive with only the clothes on their backs. The event hopes the new clothes symbolize the start to a new life. For more info, call the salon at 303-442-1690.

5. OK, so your hair is too short and you don’t need a haircut. I’m not taking any excuses this week. Everyone likes to shop. Tough Lucky Cowboy, 2050 Broadway in Boulder, is having a hoe-down to celebrate the owner’s recent cancer scare.

On Saturday, 20 percent of the sales will go to There With Care, a nonprofit that supports children and families with critical illnesses. The store will offer special discounts on “things that are just too dang expensive at the regular price,” a raffle for Ryan Michael shirts, beer and bubbles and cake (a magical trifecta) and a showing of new Boulder-made Sweet Bird jewelry designs.

I might swing by to see if Sweet Bird has any rings. I’m looking for a backup, you know, in case my “Uncle Rodney Box contest” ring makes any unfortunate plunges.