Boulder and the Beautiful

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

A two-part question.

Part one: If your new boss looks exactly like Conan O’Brien, at what point is it appropriate to tell him?

Things to consider: Lack of knowledge about his sense of humor; Halloween costumes; possibly unleashing a wild torrent of humor that may completely dishevel the entire office; the fact that he might already know this and be either very proud of this, or very annoyed by it; the liklihood that if you wait it out and get to know him better, he won’t really look like Conan anymore; live late-night entertainment; a tabloid scoop about Conan’s “day job.”  

Part two: What is the most appropriate way to express this pent-up fact?
A. Throw it into the conversation. “Sure, I can get that done by Thursday good show last night and I will get those photos assigned, too.”
B. Via e-mail, such as “Hey Conan, so here are those TPS reports…”
C. Via e-card, such as one that says, “You look exactly like Conan.” I crafted a brilliant one on someecards.com but they have that site fancied up so I can’t figure out how to post it here.
D. Casually send him this blog. If he doesn’t think it’s funny, be like, “What? Gosh, wait, what, oh you thought I was talking YOU? Oh my gosh, NOOOO, of course not, gee. I was talking about … my friend told me she has this boss who… ha, yeah, funny that you would even think I meant you, because, duh, obviously, you don’t at all, you’re totally more like David Letterman…? NO, I mean Jay… no? No. You’re right. I should go home now.”

I think I’m going with D.
Wish me and my holiday bonus (or soon-to-be retracted bonus) luck.

And on that note, let it be known that I think Conan is REALLY, REALLY GOOD LOOKING, but in a completely professional and respectable way.

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A reporter here regularly wears a helmet while writing.
Just FYI.

Need Halloween inspiration?
The Ritz has released it’s favorite costumes this year:

* Rockstar
* Political candidates, especially Sarah Palin
* Sexy firefighters
* Beer girls
* Golden Buddhas
* Queen of hearts
* Punk rock
* Gothic
* Tattoos
* Indiana Jones
* Heavy metal rocker
* Batman
* Poison Ivy
* ’80s
* Vegas swingers in white platform boots with goldfish in heels
* Funky disco and pimp daddies with velvet and animal-print. Lots of gold chains over a fake hairy chest.
* Plenty of Elvis sightings and the ever-popular Marilyn
* Fairies
* Drag queens
* Superheroes
* Naughty school-girls
* Pregnant nuns

Then the other night, my friends and I were trying to brainstorm ideas for our friend, Molly. Here is what we came up with:
* Susan, George Castanza’s fiance from “Seinfeld,” who died licking envelopes.
* The mom from American Dad
* Towlie from “South Park” 
<a href=”http://photobucket.com/images/towlie” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i453.photobucket.com/albums/qq255/scoaster/towlie.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”towlie Pictures, Images and Photos”></a>
* Ms. Pac Man
* Ren and Stimpy
* Rocky and Bullwinkle
* Rock of Love
* A character from “Lost” (but mostly because we’re obsessed with the show)
* Sarah Silverman
* A midget in a bucket (don’t ask)
* A lion, with ratted big hair and gold body paint
* Flava Flave
* Mr. T
* Alf
* Marge Simpson
* A poodle
* Rainbow Bright
* Someone else at the party

Then we started thinking about costumes we could make out things we already have in our closets. We came up with:
* A can-can girl
* A ballerina
* A motorcycle racer
* An ’80s prom queen
* “Carrie” the bloody prom queen
* A Vargas cowgirl
* A hot dog.

OK, not a hot dog, but somehow hot dogs always come up in our conversations.

One of my favorite costumes of Halloween pasts was a friend who dressed up like a carnival game: a piece of carboard with balloons stuck all over it. He carried darts and let people play his game/costume for $1. Fun, yet dangerous. Although no one lost an eye.

Work Hot, defined:
When someone appears to be hot, but upon further investigation, you realize they are not really hot; they just appear to look hot in the context of the office.

People can be “Work Hot” but not hot in real life. It is a byproduct of being bored here in the office, plus the limited supply of humans in the confined space, plus more boredom.

Example:
Dude: That intern is hot.
Dude’s coworker: No, dude. She’s not. Look closer.
Dude: Oh, dang, you’re right. She’s just Work Hot.

Work Plain is another phenomenon, whereby someone appears to be average at work, because they dress down and are sabotaged by the fluorescent lights. Then you see them out in public and become entranced by their striking good looks and wonder how you never noticed them at work before. But then the next day at work, they are Work Plain again.
Note: This is a VERY, VERY RARE phenom, so don’t get all excited and think that your Work Hot coworker might actually be Work Plain and even better looking than you are imagining that they are even though they’re not because it’s just office-altered. See, it is very complicated. This is why we do not advise dating someone you work with. It is difficult to know what you are getting into.

Sixty-three percent of the bosses I have ever had sported a ’stache. So I joke that if you have a ’stache, you’re in charge.
Either that, or a porn star. It really depends on the width of the upper-lip hair. The thinner, the naked-er you are whilest taking charge.
Want to rule the school but you can’t grow your own mustache, either because of a genetic malfunction or your gender?
Well, you are in luck.
Canadian designer Melanie Favreau has designed a mustache necklace – a disguise right around your neck, for $48.

Check it out here, at this disgustingly long link:
http://supermarkethq.com/product/2462?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter12&utm_content=206095425&utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_term=Moustache+Fetishism%3f

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Imagine sitting down in a tattoo parlor, offering your back to the artist and saying “Paint me with your needle.” You have no idea what will happen, and neither does he.
I did this and wrote about it.
Read the story here: www.dailycamera.com/news/2008/aug/07/fashion-beauty-beneath-the-skin-the-lesson-of/
Make sure you check out the video, too. It’s a time-lapse of about 40,000 photos/20+ hours of tattooing condensed into a few minutes. Completely amazing, watching the whole process unfold at warp speed.

Direct link to the video: www.dailycamera.com/videos/detail/mural-tattoo

Pass the links on to everyone you know.

I’m going to do this for my workout of the week next week.

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My family banned greeting cards several years ago. We are funamentally opposed to dumping four bucks on an unoriginal piece of paper that will be chucked in the trash can momentarily (sorry, it’s true — I come from a long-line of obsessive thrower-awayers. I’m not even sure my parents kept my childhood photos). Instead, we give each other that $4 in cash and hand-write a personal letter.

Although recently, on the tail of the Green Take-Over, we started writing shorter letters. You know, to save on ink and paper, thus increasing the cash gift by about a quarter. This eventually morphed into three letters “HBD” (short for happy birthday) scrawled on the package of (unwrapped, of course) gifts — and an ecard waiting for me in my inbox, along with my 34,000 other e-mails of the day.

Someecards is my favorite sarcastic ecard site, “when you care enough to press send.” Aw. So thoughtful.

Here are a few of the cards I think are just tops.

And a great one for those mass birthday cards you get at work:

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I’m writing a story about how analyzing your dreams can give you insight into healing, your soul and your True Self.

I dreamed about an outfit last night. I wore it today. It’s retro cowgirl.

I regularly dream about outfits. I wonder what that means about MY soul and true self. Maybe deep down I am just a little girl who likes to play dress up. Or maybe I’m a style genius, waiting to be unleashed. Most likely, it just means I like clothes.