Boulder and the Beautiful

And so cheap! Only 30 bucks.

White leather cuffs with studs.

Available at www.etsy.com/shop/heavymetallaundry.

Also cheap and from Heavy Metal Laundry (sickest name):

White warrior necklace, $30.

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Are the only shoes my fat prego sausage feet will fit in anymore.
My hubby used to hate them because they were two sizes too big for me and looked like clown shoes. But now they fit just right. And he knows better than to make fun of them. He is now scared of me and my boots, and rightfully so.
I got mine – authentic Justin boots – at Urban last year (part of the Urban Renewal line).
In case you are jealous, which you obviously are, get your own here:

$260 at www.etsy.com/shop/sustalux.

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$40

Looking for a creative, easy and inexpensive way to decorate your house? Forget wallpaper. Check out these awesome wall graphics.

$35 at www.whatisblik.com

Mona Prankster: $45 at www.whatisblik.com.

$55 at www.whatisblik.com.

$60 at www.whatisblik.com.

$45 at www.whatisblik.com.

$40 at www.whatisblik.com.

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• Recession-proof your meals with this fun Australian dessert: http://ow.ly/KpXM #
• All I want for Christmas is nothing: http://ow.ly/IIF1 #
• See Sara Shrink for December: http://ow.ly/IIFa #
• Stinky ladies! 60% of moms are re-wearing outfits to save on laundry costs (Parenting magazine). #
• I ate too much ham. #
• 62% of women expect to buy clothing or accessories during this holiday season (the National Retail Federation). #
• Women who show 40% of their skin are approached by twice as many men as those who are more covered up. Each arm: 10%; legs 15%; torso 50%… #
• What is beauty? http://ow.ly/KpSQ #
• Not that I condone smoking, but…. Keep your fingers warm while you pollute your lungs! http://twitpic.com/sv3ko #
• Gifts for the kitchen: from gadgets to spice blends. http://ow.ly/KNli #
• Colorado wines for the holidays: http://ow.ly/IIDH #
• Always wanted your lover to whisper sweet nothings in a British accent? Find your accented date here: http://www.iloveyouraccent.com #
• Brittany just wiped a white powder off my nose. It was powdered sugar, not cocaine. I am addicted to cookies. #
• http://www.sketchysantas.com #
• Beat the flu: Three herbs for immune health. http://ow.ly/KpVY #
• Men we love: Behind the scenes with our favorite beat-boxer. http://ow.ly/KqeT #
• Living with cancer: A different kind of vacation. http://ow.ly/KqAC #
• How to survive the holiday season: http://ow.ly/KpPJ #
• December's Women's Mag is out — and GORGEOUS! Get excited! I am! #
• You must watch this. http://judahfriedlander.com/videos/fallon2.htm #
• My new obsession: http://www.globalgirlfriend.com. Shop to benefit women worldwide. Women-made. Eco-friendly. Fair trade. #
• Our house is so cold the doggie water froze in its bowl. In the kitchen. #
• How to survive the crazy holiday season: http://ow.ly/IICa #
• I can write this story! I can, I can! #
• Jewelry for Jenipher party & fundraiser this Friday! 6-9 p.m. at the Holiday Inn Express, exit 259 (near Loveland). The gift that gives… #
• 10% off everything at Rags Consignment on this snowy day! #
• On the hunt for christmas lights in longmont. Not so easy at 11 am. #
• I'm double scarfing it today. #
• Holiday style – done right! http://ow.ly/IIBU #
• Ochocinco snuggo. http://twitpic.com/sjtdy #
• Looking for folks interested in donating silent auction items for an upcoming fundraiser (www.thinkhumanity.org). #
• Looking for a job? Can you messily eat spaghetti while watching "Teen Wolf?" http://boulder.craigslist.org/tlg/1494249127.html #
• Just when you think you've heard of everything: Eye whitening. Now you can smoke weed and no one will know! http://www.boxerwachler.com/whiteeyes #
• Sweet. Free mix tapes on CL: http://denver.craigslist.org/zip/1497344584.html #
• I would like to believe i singlehandedly started the snuggie trend. #
• Delicious local gifts! Om nom nom! http://ow.ly/IIBF #

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I wrote a fashion column last week about gag gifts and “creative gifts so amazing they can end family quarrels.”

No gag gifts this year. Grandma’s orders. The mass e-mail threw me off guard. The Heckel family has a long-standing tradition of Christmas gags — the supreme of which was always saved for the extended-family brown bag exchange.

A “vintage” 3-foot-tall Sammy Winder Broncos lamp. A pet coconut (similar to a pet rock but bigger and more annoying to store). Former state Sen. Stan Matsunaka’s face glued to a can of tomatoes.

Why tomatoes? Why not? The specifics of the gags remained a mystery. But one thing was for sure: We took pictures of them. We laughed until we cried. We regifted them. And we remembered them.

Read the rest here:  www.dailycamera.com/archivesearch/ci_13916860?IADID=Search-www.dailycamera.com-www.dailycamera.com

Ah yes. The crappy gifts that totally rock in their badness. Check out this Web site and vote on the worst gifts ever: www.lottay.com/worstgiftever.

Here are some  highlights, to uninspire you this holiday season:

Scary. Terrifying.

It’s perfume on the biggest damn necklace you’ve ever seen.

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Few things tickle me more than bad art.
That’s why I enjoy Judah Friedlander, that funny hairy dude from “30 Rock” who urinates in jars and keeps them in his office. He also collects bad art.

Here are a few highlights from Judah Friedlander’s bad art gallery (http://judahfriedlander.com/gallery.htm):

You can’t tell if this guy is a serial killer or the high school star quarterback. Or both.

An artist selling his art. The true artist doesn’t need to go to some fancy, pretentious art gallery. Just pile your sculptures of feline animals into your car, and put them on display. I respect anyone who sells art outdoors at night in a tiny parking lot. And I respect the person who buys art there too. Outdoor art galleries should be more popular.

If you want to laugh extremely hard:
http://judahfriedlander.com/videos/fallon2.htm
http://judahfriedlander.com/videos/fallon1.htm

Did you know there is is not one, not two, but MULTIPLE actual museums of bad art?

From the Museum of Bad Art (www.museumofbadart.org):

A remarkable fusion of ski resort and wolf puppy — stoical in his yellow-eyed silence, frozen beneath the ice-capped peak, Dog eloquently challenges the viewer to re-examine old concepts of landscape.

Larger than life, she purrs with her big bedroom eyes open wide in anticipation, “Hello boys.” Bianka knew, the more hair the better.

From the Official Bad Art Museum of Art (OBAMA) (www.officialbadartmuseumofart.com):

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Last night, I was lying and rolling all over JD on the couch trying to get him to accidentally rub my back, when I took off my socks. JD saw what I had been hiding underneath: HUGE SUMMER SAUSAGE CHEESE LOG CANKLES.

“Are you OK?” he gasped. “It looks like you broke your ankles.”

Incidentally, that’s what it felt like, I explained. Every. Square. Inch. Of. My. Pregnant. Existence. Everything feels broken and busted and crampy and bloaty.

My cankles really were so swollen that they looked injured. I propped them up on the couch, nice and close to his poor nostrils, and tried to convince the blood or placenta or WHATEVER to dissipate. That’s when I noticed how absolutely repulsive my feet had become, wayyyyy down there below my waistline-of-vision.

I can still reach my toes…. sort of. Well, if I wind my leg up just right and pop out my Go-Go-Gadget arms and risk throwing up due to the stomach pressure. But I definitely cannot reach my toes long enough to paint them, or clip, or prune, or shave, or buff, or properly wash… I confess. I am repulsive.

My feet looked like troll feet. The chipped red polish on my nails looked like dried blood after my apparent double-ankle-breakage. The skin was cracked and crusty, and my toenails had grown unfortunately long – thanks prenatal vitamins! By unfortunately long, I mean they had become small pocket knives, on the brink of curling upward. Basically, my feet looked like….. gasp….. MAN FEET.

This morning, before I even arrived at work, I remedied. I swung by Ten20 Spa and embarrassingly handed over my tootsies to a poor nail tech clutching a pair of clippers and a file. I apologized and apologized and apologized. Then I apologized for not shaving my legs for, oh, several months. The lady did not look enthusiastic about my situation, so I apologized again.

But in the end, it didn’t matter. Sure, it took a LONG time and a lot of elbow grease. But I walked out with beautiful new purple toes. Walking on clouds!

• There is a saying, “Fear it, appear it.” We attract what we hold in mind, and our fears hang in our field. http://ow.ly/IIMB #
• The gift of giving. Looking for a local charity to donate to this winter? http://ow.ly/IIBi #
• Some plants, or friendships, you just can't kill. http://ow.ly/Dc78 #
• Five steps to a festive home. http://ow.ly/IICL #
• I am so happy this Web site exists. http://ow.ly/IFNQ #
• Ever wanted to put a mullet wig on your dog? Of course you have. Find one here! http://ow.ly/IFMP #
• Buy your own fashionable wigs for your pets here! http://ow.ly/IFLz #
• Sometimes I like to sit at my desk with my headset on even though I'm not using it. It makes me feel focused. #
• Hey, here's a good idea. Put a wig, on a cat. http://ow.ly/IFK3 #
• Best Christmas gift ever: "Wigs on Cats," the book. http://ow.ly/IFID #
• I want a pair of ear muffs. #
• I plan on Tweeting about Wigs on Cats once an hour all day. Deal with it. http://ow.ly/IFHL #
• WIGS ON CATS. http://www.boingboing.net/2009/12/04/glamourpuss-the-ench.html #
• Excited about the artsy, noir-esque photo shoot I just did…. #
• Just got a fabulous purple pedicure from Ten20! Joy to the toes! #
• PUCKER UP! http://ow.ly/Dc6Q #
• Looking for a model for Women's Mag's next fashion shoot! Send submissions to heckela@dailycamera.com. #
• Writing a review of "gentle yoga" at the Longmont Athletic Club. It was gentle. #
• Pulling together a wicked awesome Women's Magazine for Jan/Feb! Can't wait! #
• Forget scary chemicals and toxic cleaners. 1001 uses for white distilled vinegar: http://ow.ly/HZ7w #
• Snow day special! 10 percent off all services at Ten20 today. http://ten20.tv/ #
• You must check out this website. Get one for the special person in your life! http://www.shakeweightformen.com. #
• Everything is a little thing. Even the big things. http://ow.ly/Dc4z #
• Fashion photo of the week: Gone to the dogs. http://ow.ly/HETu #
• Writing a story about women… and football. Oh yes! #
• Fashion photo of the week: Gone to the dogs. http://ow.ly/HCEk #
• 'Tis the season for passive aggression! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com #
• Cluttered closet rescue: when nesting instincts get out of control – http://ow.ly/HiQn #
• The future of newspapers: http://ow.ly/HiPD #
• A few skincare safety guidelines for Boulder County's manbeasts – http://ow.ly/HiPc #
• Scarred for life: Will I love it? Will I hate it? Will I have to start saving for an expensive tattoo removal procedure? http://ow.ly/Dc1N #
• Etsy shop of the month: Hot Pink and Sequins: http://www.dailycamera.com/fashion/ci_13866272 #
• Insider tip: At Common Era in Boulder, look for the “magical jar” at the register and draw a card for 10 to 30 percent off any purchase. #
• Fashion Denver's Holiday Market at Taxi I, 3455 Ringsby Court, Denver, Dec. 13, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.; $5 admission, benefits Youth Biz. #
• Skirtsports fashion show tomorrow, 7 p.m., Flatiron Athletic Club, 505 Thunderbird Dr., Boulder. Free. Great raffles and prizes! #
• What could be so awesome that it'd keep Peggy Archibald coming back every other Thursday for 43 years? http://ow.ly/Dc2y #

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I love the current evolution of wedding gowns.

Instead of a veil:

Gorgeous collar line — a mixture of regal with Heidi frolicking through the Bavarian woods:

Just plain sweet and adorable, for a spring wedding.

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Do not view this if you are eating breakfast, about to eat breakfast, if you ever want to eat breakfast again or if you are going to be hypersensitive and send me hate mail about it.

My sister is planning my baby shower. Here are some dessert ideas she has found on the Internet.

Fetus cookies

C- section cake

Or this fetus cake, which I cannot even bring myself to post on this page, so I will just share the link:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2075/1869539715_a385ba9883.jpg?v=0

When I saw this, I literally screamed out loud. I tried to brush it off like I was singing, but the tears pouring from my eyes gave me away.

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