Boulder and the Beautiful

• Merry Christmas! #
• I am argyle tights, Docs and a long fur coat. #

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I received this sad e-mail today.  I do hope the car manufacturers address this problem soon.

Dear fashionista,
I love all the rosettes this season but my seatbelt and my rosettes all seem to clash.  All of the rosettes are in the exact line that my seatbelt crosses my body.  This makes commuting uncomfortable!  Am I the only one having this problem???  I should write Toyota and see if they can do something about their seatbelts…

My friend Leah was telling me a story recently about a guy she met at the bar.
“He was very cool, but had an unfortunate mustache,” she said.
My other friend Brittany chimed in.
“Well, it is March,” Brittany said.
“Huh?”
“March. Time for Marchstache,” Brittany explained.
I had never heard of this phenomenon and she could tell by my puppy-dog cocked head.
“A lot of guy grow mustaches in March. And beards in November. For Novembeard.”
Whoa.
I figured I was really out of the loop, so I went back to the office and looked up Marchstache on the knower of all things, Urbandictionary.com. Nothing.
But Google had heard of it.
Apparently it is a cancer fundraising effort. I don’t see the connection between mustaches and cancer, but I guess guys will do anything for an excuse to forfeit grooming.
Evidence of Marchstache Madness from Flickr:

Evidence of Novembeard:

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Beauty:

Jem and the Holograms dress, $54.99 at www.modcloth.com.

The beast:

Warm leatherette sandals, $114, www.modcloth.com

Here is an e-mail exchange between me and my friend Annie about these sandals:
Me: OH MY GAH! WHAT?
Annie: They make me want to poke my eyes out. If I ever saw someone wearing these, I think I would kick their butt.
Me: That comment so accurately represented how I feel about these shoes that it sent me into a manic laughter episode.
Annie:  In fact, I’d like to take a hit out on whomever designed them.  I wouldn’t extend that to whomever made them because it’s probably some 8-year-old in a sweat shop who doesn’t know any better than to barf on each pair for principle alone.

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I remember the dark shadow that crawled across my soul when I saw “Saved by the Bell’s” Jessie Spano in “Showgirls.” It was so sad. Like a tribal band tattoo on an overly roided bicep. Good intention. Could have been hot. But too many things were just too wrong with the situation. Starting with trying too hard.  And the undertone is that of obvious desperation.

I did not think it could get more pitiful. Then came Mariah Carey in “Glitter.” I couldn’t bring myself to watch it, even though some people called it the “best worst movie ever” (http://www.buzzsugar.com/2747915).  Mariah had legitimate talent. The lady can sing. What was she doing airbrushed on the cover of a cheesy movie, her hair dramatically blowing in the wind, with diamonds photoshopped all over her? “Glitter” killed Mariah to me. I shook my head (sans dramatic hair blowing in the wind) and let. Mariah. Go.

Then this.
This is the most embarrassing thing I have seen, ever. It’s like “Glitter” and “Showgirls” had sex with American Idol Origina Loser Justin Guarini — I don’t know why, just because it would add yet another layer of awkward desperation – and the love child came out only able to say one word at a time. Heart! Wow! Bam! I think she even says “Glitter!”

Like this site says, I know times are tough, but dang girl, have some dignity. Or at least star in your own terrible movie like every other washed up star… oh wait.
So this is where Hollywood stars go to die.

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/03/lindsay-lohan-h.html

• I have ’70s hair today, what. #
• I am wearing a doilie that I am trying to pass off as a dress. #
• A video about how I lost my leg and now have a peg: http://tinyurl.com/d4zlx2 #
• White is the new black, drunk is the new sober and “Golden Girls” is the new “Sex and the City.” #
• I occasionally dress like a grandma. #
• I went to Kegs and Eggs wearing green suede boots and left wearing red sneakers. #
• I filmed Kegs and Eggs this morning and am cautiously optimistic about what I will find on the video. #
• I am a very dedicated Irishwoman… and employee…. #

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Everything I ever wanted to say about male fashion is expressed here. Every no-no.

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

A few highlights:
Avoid the man scarf, especially when paired with frosted tips:

Be careful with your button jobs. It is possible to look tooooo sexay. Especially if you’re packing bling underneath, and your have been grooming your chest curls.

No man ever needs to wear leopard print. Period. Much less unbuttoned. Also,I cannot think of any good reason to ever make this facial expression.

Self-tanner + tanning bed + tanning outside  + spray tan + V-neck shirt + shaved chest =

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 There is a store near my house that sells Gold and Jeans. Just in case you are shopping for jeans and are like, “Wow, I could sure use some gold,” or in case you are selling gold and you realize you forgot to wear any pants.

YSL = B&W.
Sounds like fashion algebra, but alas, Yves Saint Laurent wins my heart this season with its simplicity and classic style.

Although we all know I air on the fashion side of ridiculous, I do keep 90 percent of my wardrobe in black, white and red. YSL is all over that.

Plus, I have to like YSL, as a Frenchie myself. We French don’t win wars or make even mildly decent cars. But we know art and beauty.

Here are a few of my favorite YSL designs from the 2009 ready-to-wear collection.

The sexy material competes with the innocent white, making this jacket especially interesting.

I love the look of this material and the chunky front zipper. I also like the idea of billowy sleeves that are boxy, not fluffy. Gives loose sleeves an edgier, more modern look.

I love this neckline. I want to marry this dress.

This one is called: Imagin, a dress from the runway you might actually wear on the streets!

Another practical yet unique little black dress. Love the belt.

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• I am wearing a red wrap-around skirt from the ’50s… aka, a big apron. #
• I am a golf champion, according to my shirt and not reality whatsoever. #
• My outfit today is comprised entirely of clothing that was hanging up to dry in the bathroom. Half of it is still damp. Rough morning. #
• The ’90s are back, and I am weeping. #
• My boss is still trying to overcorrect for making fun of my hair a few days ago. His defense: “It wouldn’t be surprising if you wore a wig.” #
• I am so tired I would like a vanilla-cocaine latte with skim milk, please. #
• @DeviantOktane You are a good little church girl. in reply to DeviantOktane #
• We’re shooting the fashion spread for April’s Women’s Mag today. The studio is a bundle of beauty and hairspray. #
• I slept in fake eyelashes Saturday night and woke up with my eyeballs glued shut. I still have not recovered fully. #
• Thought it was a better idea to watch “Oz” reruns last night than to wash my nasty hair. #
• I am monologuing about vaginas today at the Boulder Theater! Come to the show. #
• Why is it no matter how hard I try, I can never do my eye shadow as well as they do it at Mac? #
• Note: Lid “gloss” is just fancy for “rubber cement that you put on your eyelid.” My eyes are stuck open. #
• Have you ever locked a thug in da closet in da club? I have. #

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