Boulder and the Beautiful

It has come to my attention that my right foot has recently grown approximately nine shoe sizes larger than my left, because none of my right shoes fit anymore.
I am sitting here at my desk with my right shoe off so my huge sasquatch foot can breathe.

As seen on the door of a spa in Louisville:

I am not a grammar Nazi. I understand errors when people get too busy or when they’re writing casually and being lazy. I also understand that for some reason, people get hung up on the your/you’re thing. As a writer, it seems as logical to me as 1+1 = 2. You + are = you’re.
I am sympathetic to errors.
But how does this sign happen?

Here is why I am confused:
1. “You’r” is not even in the dictionary. It isn’t even one of the options. It doesn’t make sense. Is that apostrophe supposed to be an accent mark on the ”u?”
2. OK, let’s make the (safe) assumption that the English language is not the shop owner’s specialty. Fine. Maybe it’s even his or her second language. Fine. But then FIND someone who knows grammar to just check over the sign before you make it. This is not an error on a piece of paper. This is a permanent sign. And this is not complex grammar either. Just stop someone on the street. Anyone. Or heck, run it through spell check, because you’ll find that “you’r” ain’t in there.
3. Yes, I said ”ain’t.” But at least I conjuncted it right.
4. OK, let’s say it makes it past the spell check of the owner, all of the employees, a random person on the street and spell check.
Tell me, who is printing these signs?
Don’t they have spell check?
Don’t they have pride?

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If you tend to be forgetful or casual with your keychain, here’s a solution: a keychain made out of an old bullet.
I bet you won’t drop them now. Only $7.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8083200

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Socks can be so much more than just a fabric sack for your feet.
Check out these cool innovations, from my beloved www.sock-dreams.com site:

Open-toed lycra sheer pantyhose, $5, so you can wear pantyhose with open-toed shoes without looking like you have webbed feet.

Fencenet leg warmers, $5. Leg warmers made from fishnet stockings.

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I am not condoning this. I’m just sayin’.

http://mormonsexposed.com/store.php

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Feb. 2
10 a.m.-8 p.m.
Plato’s Closet, 8601 W.  Cross Drive, Littleton. Also in Fort Collins and Arvada.
Put as many clearance items as possible into their grab bag and pay only $10.
My question: how big is the bag? As least they didn’t call it a “baggie.”
I think I’ll bring my compression sack.

Who: Berenices, an Aveda-Concept salon.
What: Soulshine Fashion Show.
Why: A fundraiser to celebrate Berenices’ fifth anniversary.
When: 7:30 p.m. Friday, Jan. 25. 7:30 is the private party. 9 p.m. is the runway show.
Where: La Rumba Nightclub, 99 W. Ninth Ave., Denver. 
Benefits: 
Women’s Bean Project –  Helping Denver women beat the cycle of poverty and unemployment.
The Food 4 Africa Project – Feeding African children whose circumstances place them below the poverty line.
And raise awareness for:
Toms Shoes for Tomorrow — For every pair sold, a pair is donated to a child in need.
Tangerine – Beautifully made handicrafts from South Africa.
Featuring: Spring fashions from Denver-area boutiques, including Blu, Unity and Frolik on 32nd.  Presentation by photographer Lauren Garceau.
 DJs Michael Trundle and Tyler Jacobson.
 Silent auction featuring Lauren Garceau photographs, Tangerine handicrafts from South Africa, Toms Shoes, fine art from local artists and more.
Cost:
$100:  ”VIP,” private party, premium runway seating, deluxe gifts.
$50: ”Celebrity,” private party, runway seating, gift.
$25: “Guest,” runway standing room, gift.
$10: “Sightseer,” general admission.
Info: Berenices, 303-399-9156.

I found real stirrup pants at Express.
Like real, ’80s stretch pants with foot straps.
I am trembling in excitement.

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I’m sitting down to Chinese with my friend, Jamie. I notice her nice red nail polish. I ask her what color it is.
Her response, “I’m not really a waitress.”
Me: “I know. I wasn’t insinuating your polish looked like you were. I was just asking…”
Jamie: “No. I’m not really a waitress.”
It was one of those “Who’s on first moments,” until I finally got it. Her nail polish color was “I’m Not Really A Waitress” red.

Which prompted me to make a list of the best and worst nail polish names out there.

Best
Vodka and Caviar 
Kangarooby (I would just wave my nails around all day until someone asked me what color they were)
20 Candles on my Cake
OP-I Love This Color (by OPI, of course)
Who Comes Up With These Names?
Aphrodite’s Pink Nightie
Chocolate Shake-Speare
Dress to Empress
Silent Mauvie
Nice Color, Eh?

Worst
An Affair in Red Square
Cosmo-Not Tonight Honey (what color is that? like green?)  
Cajun Shrimp
Mrs. O’Leary’s BBQ
Nantucket Mist
And the worst nail polish name ever: You’re a Pisa Work

Purse analysis disclaimer: The 50 Cent Shrink is completely full of it and should not be trusted with life choices.

Inside this purse:
Cell phone, used iTunes gift card, pair of black gloves, two pairs of sunglasses, sunglasses case,  iPod case, wallet, two pens, three receipts, lip balm, lip gloss, two chapsticks, Tic Tacs, peppermint, tampon, saftey pin, shopping list, a memory card and usb port for memory card, eye glasses cleaner, assorted gum wrappers and 12 cents.

The 50 Cent Shink says:
This person is 23, with a strong bent for rap music. This individual takes very good care of things, knows the value of money and hard work, but probably makes less than $23K/year. She is very sensitive toward people and appreciate all sorts of diverse people. Her iPod contains even a few classical songs, probably by Bach. The person is white and has some “unfinished business” in her life that needs taken care of.  Her closet is very messy, yet this person is very organized at work and life. This person thinks ahead and plans very well for the future.
I suggest strongly considering a career in social work, or part-timing for the community.  She has her  “spirit world” kinda figured out.

Is this accurate?